his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
