uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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