We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
