So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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