Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
