Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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