dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
