Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have fence marks all over my body
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
