The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
