i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
