Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
