I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
