This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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