i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
