Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
