Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
