I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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