its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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