Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
