I met the friendliest cop last night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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