Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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