im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
