Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
