Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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