Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
