when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
