I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
