Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize