i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize