mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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