Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize