He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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