brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
