I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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