i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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