I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
