I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
