I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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