Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
