apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
