I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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