So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
