just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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