Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
