this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
