Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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