I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's the barista slut.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
