just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
