I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We left the knife in your bed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
