Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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