Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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