The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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