dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
