I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
