I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
