apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
