if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
