when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
