I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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