well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
