YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
