Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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