I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
