Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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