Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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