I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
