Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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