You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
