Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
