i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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